Why Does My Cat Run Away From Me? Overcoming Trust Issues
Has your cat ever given you the cold shoulder? Left you wondering why your beloved four-legged housemate keeps running away from you?
Though it may seem like an expression of distrust or even hostility, in reality, cats usually run away from their owners because they are fearful for some reason.
If you’re struggling with your cat running away, this article will suggest ways to reestablish a safe and trusting relationship between pet and pet parent while exploring some of the common causes of feline fear.
So let’s get started.
Causes of fearful behavior
Cats can experience anxiety and trust issues for a variety of possible reasons, which can often be traced to environmental or genetic factors – or both.
As a result, they may display fearful behavior – either as their default behavior or as a singular response in specific contexts.
These can include encounters with unfamiliar people or animals, loud noises, sudden movements, changes in their environment, or simply being scared of something that’s happening in the present.
Sometimes cats have had negative past experiences associated with people or situations, which makes them generally wary and uncertain.
In the home, it’s not uncommon for a cat to develop a level of fear towards his owner due to a lack of trust, making him more likely to try and run away (e.g. when you’ve just brought him home for the first time and he doesn’t feel safe).
He may also run away from you because you’re about to do something scary, like give him a pill or put him into his cat carrier for the dreaded vet visit.
Regardless of the trigger, fear is a natural and instinctive response for cats and can cause them to act in ways you might not expect.
Common reasons cats run away from their owners
Bearing this in mind, now let’s look at why your cat might be running away from you.
Lack of socialization
One of the primary reasons cats run away from people is a lack of socialization.
In addition to genetics and temperament (which I’ll get to in a moment), a cat’s behavior is largely determined by how well (or not) he was socialized and handled when he was a kitten.
The window for socialization in cats is fairly short, lasting from about 3-7 weeks of age.
During this period, if kittens are only handled by one individual, they will develop an attachment to that person. However, they will be apprehensive of other people and shy away from any other human contact (International Cat Care, 2018).
If, during the same period, kittens are handled by a variety of people (including men, women, and children), they will develop into friendly cats that are far more likely to approach humans and initiate social contact (International Cat Care, 2018).
Unfortunately, not all cats have had the best start in life and poor socialization can be a significant factor in an adult cat’s fearfulness around humans.
This may be why your kitty acts fearful around you and runs away from you.
Lack of experience
A second reason your cat may run away from you is a general lack of experience.
Taking in a kitten who has been born on the street or elsewhere outdoors can be an incredibly rewarding experience, but it sometimes comes with its challenges.
Such kittens will have had no real exposure to life in a home and being removed from their familiar environment for the first time can be very scary for them.
A new place, strange smells, strange people, and strange sounds can all create a lot of anxiety.
Having said that, we rescued many waifs and strays off the street when we lived in Dubai, from tiny orphan kittens to fully grown adult cats.
The kittens were usually friendly and trusting, even if they had passed the socialization window although, admittedly, one or two were quite hissy at first.
Of the grown-up outdoor cats, some were immediately friendly and trusting, others were friendly but wary, and others were fearful or downright aggressive – but came around eventually.
So early socialization and experience count for a lot, but not for everything.
Which brings me to…
Genetics and temperament
Genetics and temperament are one of the main reasons cats grow up to be fearful of people.
Some cats are simply born more fearful than others, especially if the mother cat was stressed during the gestation period.
Let’s go back to our street cats for a moment.
The life of a stray cat on the street is far from easy. Searching desperately for food and shelter while being exposed to harsh weather (either hot or cold), potentially dangerous predators, unfriendly humans, and the risks of being run over by a car or injured in a cat fight can be an extremely stressful experience.
The odds are often stacked against these cats as they fight to find enough resources and remain safe in the face of such dangers, leaving them vulnerable and exposed.
Imagine now a pregnant cat in such a situation.
Sadly, poor maternal nutrition or excessive exposure to stress in utero (i.e. in the womb) can have a lasting effect on a mother cat’s unborn kittens and affect their future behavior.
Possible consequences include the cats being less resilient and able to handle challenging situations as they grow up. It can also affect their overall perception of the world, making them more pessimistic.
Such cats may be more vulnerable to developing inappropriate coping mechanisms as they navigate life, which can lead to behavioral issues like inappropriate elimination or excessive fear (International Cat Care, 2018).
In fact, the physiological effects of stress start forming even before a kitten is born because the stress hormones produced in the mother cat’s body can cross the placenta.
These stress hormones provide the fetus with environmental cues that help it “make predictions” about what will happen after birth, so the central nervous system can develop in a way that will increase the kitten’s chances of survival.
So if the fetus perceives that its environment is dangerous or lacking in nutrients, its development can change in response to the available information (Buffington & Bain, 2020).
This has a profound impact on a cat’s personality as he matures.
Lack of trust
Let’s say you’ve just adopted your kitty and he’s just arrived in his new home. Think about things from his perspective.
He will most likely be overwhelmed by the unfamiliar environment, sounds, scents, people, and other pets if you have them.
If he’s been in an animal shelter or rescue environment, he’s probably already stressed to the hilt with the unfamiliarity and uncertainty of it all combined with sensory overload (e.g. barking dogs, the scent of multiple other cats, plus all the comings and goings of staff and volunteers).
If he’s grown up in a home or has been in a foster home, it’s still a period of massive change and uncertainty for him, removed from his familiar environment and previous owners.
If he’s a stray, he may never have been an indoor cat and the whole concept will be alien to him.
All this is then compounded by the stress of being confined in a scary cat box for the equally scary ride home.
Your cat has no idea where he is or what’s going on and he’s completely unable to control his environment at this stage, which is incredibly stressful. Then, when he arrives, he doesn’t know if he’s going to be safe.
All these factors combine to make him feel untrusting and insecure, which can lead to him hiding away or running away from you.
Something scary is about to happen
Sometimes your cat will be scared of you in a certain context, like when you’re trying to give him a pill or administer eye drops.
He’ll see you pick up the pill popper or get the eye drops out of their box, and he’ll make a hasty exit before you even get anywhere near him.
Animals are very good at reading environmental cues, so will see the signs of an unpleasant and bad experience long before anything has happened. They then react accordingly to try to avoid it happening again.
Likewise, when you get out the cat carrier, your cat may associate it with a chain of past negative experiences – being confined, going in the car, feeling unstable as you cart the carrier around (expert tip – carry it with both arms underneath with the carrier against your chest rather than by the handle with one hand), and the loud noise of the car engine.
Then, arriving at the vet with its scary sounds and smells, other animals in the waiting room, and being placed on a cold, slippery, shiny metal table where (maybe) something painful or unpleasant happens (like an injection or being poked and prodded during a routine exam) at the hands of someone he doesn’t know.
Additionally, cat owners often get anxious when giving their cats medication or taking them to the vet.
Cats can sense this and can quickly get scared if we are anxious or become impatient or overly forceful with them.
As such, it is important to be patient, calm, and gentle when interacting with your kitty to minimize his stress levels.
Case study: Jeffrey – Environmental cues
When our beloved orphan street kitten Jeffrey was 7 years old he developed kidney failure. As the disease progressed, our lovely vet tech taught us how to give him subcutaneous fluids to keep him hydrated and feeling better.
Jeffrey had been born on the street and had to fight to survive. As a result, he was feisty to the max.
When we first started with the fluids we absolutely dreaded it. It took one of us to hold him and the other to hang the drip bag, operate the 18 gauge needle, and handle the administering of the fluids.
Over time, we learned that staying calm and being prepared were the most important things of all. Get everything ready first, then go and get Jeffrey.
Cuddle him on your shoulder and hold him firmly (but not so tight the restraint scared him), be quick and efficient when jabbing him with the needle, then get the fluids in as quickly as possible.
Talk to him quietly the entire time. Once it was done (it took a few minutes), place him gently back on the floor as if nothing had happened.
Let him leave the room before packing everything away and safely disposing of the needle.
By getting over our own anxieties and removing as many of the environmental cues as possible (i.e. setting everything up before Jeffrey was even in the room), we were able to help him stay calm and successfully go through the process of administering the subq fluids three times a week for two whole years.
There’s something scary in the environment
Sometimes your cat may run away from you if he feels scared or stressed by something in the environment.
This could be outside noise like roadworks, thunder, or fireworks, or you carrying something like a broom, an umbrella, or a noisy plastic bag that he might feel threatened by.
Maybe you have tradesmen or visitors at home that make your cat nervous and he’s behaving skittishly as a result.
It may even be something like a new pet or a new baby in the home that’s enough to send him over the edge.
Our cats usually scarper if we start moving furniture around or packing boxes. We’ve moved house several times and it’s always a stressful time for them, so they remove themselves from all the noise and upheaval.
Noises, people, and situations cats aren’t used to can startle them and make them want to escape, so keeping the environment calm and predictable as best you can is important for your pet’s well-being.
Your cat doesn’t feel like interacting
In some cases, your cat may run away from you because he simply doesn’t want to interact at that moment.
It could be that he feels overwhelmed by the attention or is tired and wants some alone time.
In my experience, this often happens when an owner picks up their cat. The cat, however, doesn’t want to be picked up so struggles to get down and then runs away.
It is important to let your cat make his own decisions about whether to interact or not and learn how to interpret his body language so you know when he needs a break.
You can do this through consent testing.
A consent test is a way to ask animals questions and get answers by observing their behavior.
For example, if you hold out your hand and your cat rubs his head against it, he’s telling you he’s happy to be petted.
But if he ignores your hand completely, then it’s a “no thank you, not right now” response.
If he looks at your hand but doesn’t approach it, he may be on the fence. He may want to be petted but is anxious about approaching (remember the scenario with the newly adopted cat who doesn’t yet know or trust his new owner).
This is conflicted behavior and should also be considered a “no.”
Here’s a video from the San Diego Humane Society demonstrating how this works:
Your cat is sick, injured, or in pain
Illness, pain, injury, and discomfort can be major contributors to a cat resisting physical contact.
If your kitty displays behaviors such as running away and trying to avoid you, camping out in a favored hiding place, decreased appetite, vocalization changes, or increased aggression, these could all be telltale signs that something is wrong.
Note that if you have an older cat, he may have stiff or painful joints so may try to avoid physical contact with you.
Case study: Oakley – Pain from back injury
Our rescue cat Oakley was abandoned in his cat box in a parking lot. He had a back injury our vet suspects was sustained in a road traffic accident.
Poor Oakley does perfectly well in life but has been left with a dent in his back which causes him pain and discomfort from time to time.
At the same time, he loves to be picked up but doing so causes pain. And if you inadvertently hurt him, he’ll scratch and bite you – hard – then run away when you put him back down.
So I’ve learned to pick him up by his armpits and gently place him on my shoulder so he can stretch out his spine. I take great care not to touch his back and focus on scratching his chin, which he loves.
If you notice a sudden change in your cat’s behavior and you’re not sure why, talk to your vet about your concerns and get a full evaluation to check for any medical issues.
Your cat has been lost
If a cat has been lost for some time, he may run away from you when you find him.
A missing cat will have learned to survive on his own and become used to staying out of harm’s way.
Because he’s in survival mode, it can prevent the lost cat from trusting people – even his pet parents.
Fight or flight
Fight or flight is the body’s natural response to a perceived threat and can be seen in all animals when they are startled or feel scared.
When a cat runs away from something frightening, he is exhibiting this reaction.
The fight or flight response triggers the release of hormones such as cortisol, epinephrine, and norepinephrine.
These cause physical changes such as increased heart rate and respiration, allowing your cat to either flee from the potential danger or stay and fight it off.
While fight or flight is a normal response to something scary (e.g. the aforementioned cat carrier or pill popper), if your cat runs away every time you approach him, there are most likely underlying anxieties or trust issues that need to be addressed.
What to look for when assessing fear in cats
You can tell how your cat is feeling by observing his behavior and body language.
As already discussed, some of the most common signs of fear include running away or hiding.
Other signs include freezing in place, crouching low to the ground, cringing or cowering, a puffed-up tail and arched back, wide eyes with dilated pupils, tail tucked underneath or swishing quickly side to side, ears moving quickly or flattened close to the head, growling/hissing/spitting, and/or swatting/scratching/biting.
Your cat may also be pooping or peeing outside the litter tray, not eating or drinking, only performing survival functions (eating, drinking, peeing, pooping) when no one is there, and only playing with toys when no one is there.
If your cat is exhibiting any of these behaviors, it’s a good indication he’s feeling scared or anxious.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to be patient.
Slowly build trust with your cat by being gentle, positive, and consistent when interacting with him. If you notice that certain environments or situations make your cat more fearful or anxious, try to avoid them as much as possible.
Here’s a video from the Humane Society of Huron Valley explaining more about cat body language (scared cat body language starts at 7:33):
Tips for creating a safe and secure environment for your cat
I’m sure you’re wondering by now how to get your cat to stop running away from you, so here are a few tips.
Understanding the importance of building positive relationships with your cat
I’ve already talked about consent testing. This is a great way to let your cat control your interactions which will help build trust.
To recap, consent testing means letting your kitty make his own decisions about whether or not he wants to interact with you.
Empowering animals to make their own choices gives them autonomy and control, making them feel safer. So wait for your cat to come to you before petting him in order to avoid negative associations with your touch.
Positive interactions
At the same time, keep your social interactions short and positive. Pay attention to your cat’s body language and limit the duration of contact so it ends before he starts to feel overwhelmed or scared. Again, this will help build trust.
Note that some cats really don’t like being picked up because they feel unsafe and unstable – especially if they don’t yet know or trust you. So avoid that for now.
Slow blinking
You can also learn to speak your cat’s language by slow blinking. Cats use this to communicate trust and non-threatening intentions.
Simply close your eyes slowly when your cat looks in your direction. If he does the same, keep your eyes closed or half closed for a bit longer.
This is a great way to make cats who are scared of humans feel more at ease, as direct eye contact may be interpreted as hostile.
Interactive play
Play is another excellent way to bond with your cat and keep him mentally and physically stimulated.
It will also help him burn energy and reduce potential problem behaviors (such as urinating outside the litter box or aggression) that can occur due to fear, anxiety, or stress.
Case Study: Jethro – Play trumps fear
We adopted our scaredy cat Jethro from a Los Angeles rescue that had removed him from a bad situation. He loved other cats but was terrified of people.
I couldn’t get near him so I began by standing at a distance and pulling a piece of string around for him to chase.
His predatory instincts would instantly be triggered, quickly transforming his fearful state into a much more positive emotional state. It worked like a charm!
This was the starting point for teaching Jethro he could trust me and that he didn’t need to run away and hide every time I came into the room.
Analyzing how the environment may affect a cat’s behavior
To ensure your cat feels safe, give him his own space, such as a quiet room or “cat cave” with all the necessary provisions (food bowl, water bowl, litter box, scratching post, and toys).
Provide him too with plenty of hiding spots like cardboard boxes, vertical space for climbing and perching up high, and cozy places to rest and sleep.
Make sure the space is off-limits to other pets or children so your cat can relax and feel secure. This will be a great starting point for building mutual trust with your new pet kitty.
Meanwhile, enrichment activities such as food puzzles, treat dispensing toys, cat trees, and window seats will provide an outlet for his natural hunting instincts. Further options like cat grass and exploring the outdoors safely are available too.
The more your cat engages his brain, the more he will be thinking rationally and the less he’ll be reacting emotionally. This will form the foundation of building his confidence and teaching him he can trust you – all in his own timeline.
In addition, establishing a daily routine for feeding, attention, and play will provide structure and consistency for your cat and help him feel less stressed. The more he can relax, the safer he’ll feel – and be less likely to run away from you.
Final thoughts
Building trust with your feline friend takes patience and an individualized approach. Just be patient and stick with it, always respecting your cat’s timeline and boundaries.
Above all, if your cat runs away from you don’t chase after him or try to force him to interact. As is so often the case with cats, less is more. So let him come to you when he wants to and give him space when he needs it so you can build trust and a positive relationship over time.
READ NEXT
Resources
- Bringing up a litter of kittens: behavioural considerations – International Cat Care
- Cat Behavior Problems – Aggression – Petting Aggression – Debra Horwitz & Gary Landsberg
- Cat Body Language [Video] – Humane Society of Huron Valley
- Stress and Feline Health – C.A. Tony Buffington & Melissa Bain
- Stress in cats – International Cat Care
- What Consent Looks Like in Cats [Video] – San Diego Humane Society
NEED HELP FROM A CAT BEHAVIOR SPECIALIST? If you need more help dealing with a training or behavior issue, please find professional help from a certified feline behavior consultant. They will be able to offer you tailored advice for your cat(s) and situation. Good places to start are: - International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants - COAPE Association of Pet Behaviourists and Trainers - American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior
